Coping Through The Holidays

When the Holidays Feel Heavy: You’re Not Alone

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy, togetherness, and celebration. We’re surrounded by messages that tell us this should be the happiest time of the year, filled with laughter, sparkling lights, and meaningful connection. And for many people, that is true. But for just as many, the holidays feel heavy, overwhelming, lonely, or emotionally complex. If this season feels hard for you, there is nothing “wrong” with you.

For some, the holidays stir up grief, of loved ones who are no longer here, relationships that have changed, or the life that once was. For others, they bring up tension with family, reminders of trauma, financial stress, or a deep sense of isolation. Even people who generally cope well can feel emotionally raw this time of year. The pressure to be happy, grateful, and festive can make it even harder to admit when you’re struggling.

You might notice feelings of anxiety ramping up as social obligations increase. You may feel emotionally drained trying to hold boundaries with family. You might be carrying guilt for not feeling “joyful enough,” or sadness because this season highlights what feels missing in your life. You may be a mom trying to put on that happy face for your kids even though inside it feels like you are falling apart. All of these experiences are more common than you may realize.

It’s also important to acknowledge that the holidays can be especially challenging for those navigating:

• Loss or grief

• Depression or anxiety

• Trauma or strained family dynamics

• Infertility, pregnancy loss, or perinatal mood struggles

• Addiction and recovery

• Financial or housing stress

Struggling through the holidays doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.

Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

One of the kindest things you can do this season is to allow yourself to feel exactly what you feel, without judgment. You do not have to perform happiness. You do not need to minimize your pain because “others have it worse.” Your experience matters. I often hear clients say, "well I really shouldn't be complaining because someone else is dealing with so much worse". What I often tell clients is it doesn't help to compare each person's "hard". Sure managing a death of a spouse may feel more severe than managing the end of a friendship but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel all the feelings and it doesn't minimize your experience. Compassion is often our greatest friend in these moments.

It may help to check in with yourself and gently ask:

• What feels most heavy for me right now?

• What do I need more of this season; rest, connection, space, support?

• What feels okay to let go of this year?

You are allowed to simplify traditions. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to grieve and celebrate at the same time.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If this season feels especially hard, support can make a meaningful difference. Talking to someone who can listen without judgment, whether that’s a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist, can help soften the weight you’re carrying. Therapy during the holidays isn’t about “fixing” your feelings. It’s about having a safe place to be honest, supported, and understood.

If the holidays stir up old wounds, intensify your anxiety, or leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, it may be a sign that you deserve some extra care and compassion right now.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’re struggling this holiday season, you are not weak, you are responding to something real. Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you. You are allowed to move through this season in a way that honors your emotional reality, not just the expectations around you.

And if joy shows up in small, quiet ways; warm coffee, a peaceful moment, a child’s laughter, a deep breath, that still counts.

You don’t have to love the holidays. You just have to get through them and you don’t have to do that alone.