Understanding Your "Inner Critic"

We all have an inner voice that comments on what we do, how we look, or how we handle situations. Sometimes it’s encouraging, but other times it can feel like a relentless critic pointing out every flaw or mistake. That’s what many therapists call the inner critic.

What Is the Inner Critic?

The inner critic is that internal dialogue that tells us:

• “You’re not good enough.”

• “You always mess things up.”

• “Other people are better than you.”

  
  

It often shows up as harsh, judgmental, or perfectionistic. While it can feel cruel, the inner critic is usually rooted in past experiences. It often develops as a way to protect us from rejection, failure, or disappointment.

Why Does the Inner Critic Exist?

At its core, the inner critic is trying to keep us safe. In a sense you can look at it as a defense mechanism. If it convinces us to stay small, play it safe, or avoid risk, we might feel less vulnerable. The problem is that this “protection” usually comes at a cost: it keeps us from growing, connecting, and believing in ourselves.

Common Ways the Inner Critic Shows Up

• Comparing yourself to others and always falling short

• Downplaying your successes (“It wasn’t a big deal… anyone could have done it”)

• Feeling paralyzed by perfectionism

• Reliving mistakes and criticizing yourself long after the fact

How to Work With Your Inner Critic

The goal isn’t to silence or destroy your inner critic, it’s to shift your relationship with it. Here are a few ways to start:

1. Notice the voice – Awareness is the first step. Pay attention to when self-critical thoughts arise.

2. Name it – Label it as “the inner critic” instead of “the truth.” This creates some distance.

3. Challenge it – Ask yourself, “Is this thought 100% true? What evidence do I have to the contrary?”

4. Soften it with compassion – Respond to the critic with the voice of a supportive friend: “I made a mistake, but I’m learning. That doesn’t define me.”

5. Practice self-acceptance – Remind yourself that you are worthy, even when you’re imperfect.

   
   

A Final Thought

Your inner critic doesn’t define you. It’s just one voice inside your mind, a voice shaped by past experiences, but not necessarily reflective of your true self. When you learn to recognize it and respond with compassion, you create space for a kinder, more empowering inner dialogue.