The Myth of the "Perfect Parent", and why "Good Enough" Really is Enough.

In today’s world, parents are often under immense pressure to get it all right. From the moment a baby arrives, we’re flooded with information. From parenting books, social media advice, developmental checklists, and well-meaning opinions from every direction, it can feel overwhelming and sometimes even impossible to get everything right.

The message we absorb, often unconsciously, is that a “good” parent must always be patient, present, organized, and emotionally regulated. But when perfection becomes the standard, it creates a deep sense of guilt and inadequacy, especially when we inevitably fall short.

The truth is: You don't need to be perfect, you need to be good enough.

What Does “Good-Enough Parenting” Really Mean?

The concept of good-enough parenting comes from British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who observed that children don’t thrive because their parents are flawless, they thrive because their parents are responsive, attuned, and imperfect in human ways.

A good-enough parent:

• Notices their child’s needs most of the time

• Repairs after disconnection or conflict

• Models emotional regulation by acknowledging their own mistakes

• Provides safety, consistency, and love, not perfection

In fact, these “imperfect” moments of rupture and repair are what teach children resilience, empathy, and emotional understanding.

The Pressure of Modern Parenting

Today’s parents are raising children in a world that’s louder, faster, and more comparative than ever. Social media, though well-intentioned at times, has created a culture of comparison, curated images of tidy homes, patient parents, and smiling children.

Behind those images, though, are real parents struggling with exhaustion, overstimulation, and self-doubt. When we constantly measure ourselves against unrealistic ideals, we lose sight of what matters most: connection over perfection.

Why “Good Enough” Is Actually Better

When parents allow themselves to be human, they model something powerful for their children, that love isn’t conditional on performance. That we can make mistakes and still be worthy of connection. That emotions, even the messy ones, can be managed and repaired.

Children raised by good-enough parents often grow into adults who are compassionate, flexible, and emotionally aware. They learn that people can disagree, make amends, and keep loving each other through imperfection.

I once had a mom in session tell me that she was feeling guilty because she lost her patience and yelled at her kids. Even though she was able to follow through and repair the situation by taking ownership over the fact that she shouldn't have responded that way she she appologized to them, she still felt tremendous guilt. I was able to reframe this situation for her and asked her to consider what this situatiton taught them? Imagine if they grew up in a world where they never experienced any conflict, how would they ever know how to cope or manage it? I am not justifying parents yelling at their children just to be clear, but what I am saying is her ability to demonstrate self-awareness and show them how to own up to your mistakes and appologize when your actions can cause harm to others taught them a very valuable lesson. At the end of the day, no parent is perfect, and the fact that this weighed so heavily on her heart over fear of how it could impact her kids was also a clear sign of her being a great mom.

Letting Yourself Off the Hook

If you’re finding yourself constantly asking, “Am I doing enough?” I want to reassure you that you are already doing a good job! You are already demonstrating attunement by being self-aware of how your parenting impacts your children which leaves room for growth. It is more concerning when parents feel they are perfect and aren't able to demonstrate self-awareness regarding how their actions may impact their children.

So, take a deep breath.Let go of the myth that you need to do it all right.Your presence, your effort, and your love are already more than enough.

And if today wasn't the best day, there is always tomorrow to try again 💛